Turned On

So… last week I was turned on. This week, I was turned up.

I was plugged into a machine and wired up. I was then played a series of beeps, sweeps and creeps. That may ring a bell with a few discerning film fanatics amongst you. I shall put you out of your misery. Spaceballs. The fantastic Michael Winslow (of Police Academy fame) in his element.

If you haven’t seen Spaceballs, I implore you to do so. It is spoofery at its very finest.

 

Movember crosses the Atlantic

Anyway… In the soundproof room with only the soft speaking Audioligist (Maltese Roberta), we managed to beep our way to an acceptable level of sound, after a long series of tests. I was encouraged to have a wander outside to suck in alien noises, which happened to include the beeping of a reversing truck, a speedy and fraught conversation between three Chinese smokers and a neighbouring air vent. All important sounds on differing levels. I coped and refrained from attacking my remote control and hitting the volume button.

Triumphantly, I strode back to the hearing centre and set about relieving myself in the toilets (I did actually type ‘revealing’ there, but realised my obvious mistake). A tinkling sound pervaded my delicate ear drum, which was interesting. The usual process followed and I eventually placed my hands underneath the hand dryer. Well… it sounded as though a Black Hawk was hovering above my head and I tried to duck for cover. It sounded very much like Armageddon, or at least what I think Amargeddon (another great film – Cinematic candy and American hugging at its very finest) may sound like. Back to the laptop for a bit of fine tuning. The crisis was absolved, after a few tests under the hand dryer and an acceptable level was found.

You missed me, Harry? You bet I did!

The last test of the day was to focus on the nuances of the English language. What followed was a blind test of a variety of sounds, as before, enamating from a ‘massage parlour’. With my new increased volume I was able to tell the difference between an ‘ooh’ and an ‘mmm’.

That short test was then followed up with the reading of a passage about Malta. This was done behind a screen, disallowing me the chance to lip read, something I have relied heavily upon over the last decade. It wasn’t exactly Shakespeare, but it sufficed. I have been encouraged to dig deep and find some friends that read ‘Red Tops’ and get them to read me sentences as a repetition exercise. Good to start low apparently, with passages that do not use a vast array of vocab and have short sentences. Ha!

Incredibly, I managed to follow and repeat much of the story with only a few mistakes. Something that has proven to be impossible over the years. Satisfying! I may well be able to hear in the dark at some point.

As practice, I have been encouraged to repeat what people say to me. Apologies in advance on that front. Let’s hope we don’t degrade to the level of the playground – “Stop copying me!” “Stop copying me!”.

YMCA as presented by a school for the Dyslexic

One thing I have noticed is that I existed in a world of peace, quiet and tranquility. I had forgotten how noisy life could be. Thank goodness, I saw sense and left London. Brighton is a little quieter. The peace is missed a little bit, but I am sure I will get used to it. Ho hum!